Fed up with all the food-related do’s and don’t’s? If you’re ready to throw in the food rules towel, there are things to consider first.
Have you noticed that restaurants have become more highly attuned to people’s dietary needs than ever before?
Many menus are pre-printed with dietary icons ranging from nut-free, gluten-free, and vegan to heart healthy and low calorie. Chefs are often willing to change their recipes to accommodate a wide variety of needs. Some servers even start the evening by asking guests if there are any dietary restrictions the kitchen should be aware of. It’s built into the restaurant experience, and we have come to expect it.
I took more notice of this recently when out to dinner with friends, and it sparked a broader conversation at the table about our own food do’s and don’t’s. One person swore by intermittent fasting (she aimed to finish the eating part of the evening by 8pm), another had eliminated nightshades (she passed on the tomato salad), and my friend’s husband opted out of the chocolate cake because he was off caffeine.
As a dietitian specializing in intuitive eating, I’m always thinking about where and how our own unique food rules pop up. Why some of us hold on to them like baggage while others wear them like a badge of honor. Why some feel the need to defend their choices by explaining the “science” behind it, and others rely on the successful anecdotes of friends or influencers and celebrities to show them the hottest trends.
But how do we know if these hard and fast food rules are truly helping us? And where do we begin?
The definition of food rules
There isn’t one definition, but in general, food rules give structure to how we behave around food. They are usually predetermined. Meaning, boundaries or guidelines are established before being presented with a choice of what to eat. Under this umbrella, food rules may be subcategorized as follows:
- Life Saving Food Rules. Food allergies such as egg, peanut, and shellfish can be fatal if not avoided completely. The same goes for potential choking hazards like giving a newborn baby solid foods, or an elderly person with dysphagia hard, crunchy foods. These are hard and fast no-no’s.
- Medical Nutrition Therapy Food Rules. In the short term, this may include fasting before a medical procedure or eating soft foods after dental surgery. An example for the longer term is cutting out gluten in the setting of celiac disease. For symptom management, avoiding acidic foods in the setting of reflux, or cutting out bubbly drinks and straws to minimize air intake for those with indigestion.
- Religious or Cultural Food Rules. These are rules shared by groups of people from the same religion or culture. For instance, people in the Jewish faith will not eat shellfish because it isn’t kosher. Those who follow Hindu dietary laws will not eat cows because they are considered sacred. And in Lancaster County, local culture dictates pork and sauerkraut be served on New Year’s Day for good luck!
- Everything else. Many of our food rules don’t fit into a neat category. They may not even feel like rules, like eating the same breakfast every morning or always buying the same brand of peanut butter. They may carryover from how your family did things as you were growing up, like keeping eggs or butter on the counter instead of in the fridge. Or, they’re adapted in the name of health, such as eating only non-GMO foods, choosing beef tallow over seed oils, or taking daily probiotics.
When food rules can become problematic
While certain food rules may be non-negotiable, as noted above, others tend to reflect who we are as people. For example, following a vegan lifestyle may say something more about you than simply what foods you like to eat. Because of this, we can feel judged (by ourselves or others) if we don’t comply. At least more so than whether or not we choose Jif!
While I’m a fan of doing things that work for you and believe every individual should be able to choose how and what they eat, I think it’s important to check in with our current food rules, or habits. We may hold onto a few, but it’s also okay to shed any that don’t serve us anymore, even if they feel as if they’ve been woven into our DNA over time.
How do we do this? Let’s use a few mainstream food rules as examples:
- “My kids must eat their vegetables before they get dessert.”
This is not a new concept, and a lot of us grew up with our parents saying the same thing to us. There are dozens of possible motivations for parents to say this, such as they want their kids to be healthier, consume more fiber, eat what they are served, have an appreciation for what’s been made for them, etc, etc. It’s possible that giving this ultimatum checks some of these boxes. It’s also possible it does more harm than good.
With this rule, we are putting dessert on a pedestal, making it seem like the ultimate prize. It also implies eating vegetables is something we have to slog through to get to the promise land. Don’t we think vegetables are yummy? This rule can make for some challenging meal times, putting kids and parents at a stand-off, or better yet, the negotiating table.
Forcing kids to eat foods they don’t want can have unintended, long-term, consequences. Little ones have their own hunger and fullness system, and by demanding certain things get eaten, we undermine their own cues. Kids become less aware of their own food needs and more reliant on external cues (like parents or friends) to show them how much to eat, or what to eat. This particular rule also promotes the idea that even when full, you should probably go ahead and eat that dessert because it’s the reward you worked so hard for. Ironically, this is what many adults struggle so hard to undo!
I may ask a client to take a step back and articulate, what are your specific family goals when it comes to food and nutrition? Is this rule helping your family or making life more stressful? Would you be open to other strategies in which your family can enjoy mealtime without battles? How do you hope to talk to your kids about food? - “I never eat after 8pm because it helps prevent me from overeating in the evenings.”
Perhaps this plan worked for a bit, and you were proud you had the willpower to commit. Though after a while you noticed you were eating past the point of fullness at dinner, right under the wire, so you weren’t tempted after 8pm. Or, you had a fun night out planned with friends but had to cancel when you found out dinner was scheduled for 8pm. Or, you became irritable in the evenings when you felt hungry but didn’t want to act on those feelings.
I may ask a client, how does complying with this rule make life easier? Does avoiding food after 8pm make eating more stressful or less stressful? If this food rule was helpful at one time, is it supporting you now? Is there a way to eat after 8pm that feels more neutral? - “I don’t eat any sugar because I want to be at a healthy weight.”
It’s certainly reasonable to want to be at a healthy weight, whatever that means to each of us. And this rule may have felt successful at the start, as any short term food restrictions will likely lead to a drop in weight. It may have even felt virtuous to say “no” to foods other people couldn’t resist.
But as time goes on, we will need to eat less and less to continue to lose weight or stay at the lower weight. This is exacerbated by the fact that cutting carbs will lead to a drop in water weight because our bodies will then start to use stored energy (or glycogen) which is linked with water. So if we go back to eating sugar, it may lead to gaining back true weight, along with water weight, and quickly past the starting point. In fact, restricting and dieting is a consistent predictor of weight gain.
So often, the more we tell ourselves or others not to do something, the more we want to do it. Tell a child not to touch another child’s toy, chances are they will go right for it. Adults aren’t too different. Being told not to eat sugar, or to avoid it all together, tends to make us want it more. This means when we decide to “cheat” the rule, or reward ourselves with sugar one day, typically we overdo it. We blink and a whole sleeve of Oreos is gone. We feel awful, promise never to do that again, and the cycle continues.
And let’s acknowledge that “sugar” has become a bit of a buzz word at this point. Are we referring to granulated sugar or sugar as the building block of all carbohydrates? Avoiding the latter can be dangerous because carbs are the brain’s favorite fuel. Avoiding may lead to fatigue, difficulty focusing, and “hangry” feelings, not to mention more chronic complications like nutrient deficiencies.
I may ask a client, does complying with this rule make life easier or more stressful? Is it realistic to completely avoid sugar…forever? Would you be interested in working towards eating sugar or carbohydrate-containing foods while not feeling out of control? Does avoiding sugar in a silo truly address the core issues around food, weight, and health? Or, are there other behaviors and habits worth working through that may better meet your goals?
When a food rule could work for you
Here’s an example of when you may realize a food rule does support you:
- “I avoid caffeine after 12pm because it’s been tough for me to fall asleep at night.”
At the start, you may have had some headaches or fatigue in the afternoon, but after a week or so you adapted. You also missed that afternoon coffee break! But you had an easier time falling asleep and felt more well-rested throughout the day. - “I eat five servings of fruits and vegetables every day.”
Eating five different fruits and vegetables everyday can provide us with a wide variety of nutrients, fiber, and fuel. It can help fill our plates, leaving less room for foods that don’t have as many health benefits. And it’s also important to acknowledge that this rule may work for some not others. It’s more achievable for those who have easier access to a wider variety of fruits and vegetables, fresh, frozen, and/or canned.
Even if these rules don’t do us much harm, it’s always worth making sure that rigid adherence to them doesn’t interfere with our lives in a negative way. For instance, ask yourself, what happens if I don’t adhere to this rule on a given day? How will I handle it? If it’s becoming a struggle, are there ways to mix up the routine to make this rule less stringent? More interesting?
When it comes to food rules, there’s no right answer
Most of you know I tend to approach all foods with arms open rather than crossed. Personally, I try to shed more food rules than I collect, but there are times when food rules may serve us well (and save our lives for that matter). Do what’s best for you AND treat yourself to some honest food reflection once in a while!
Key Takeaways
We all have our own set of food rules and habits. If you’re unsure whether or not yours are working for or against you, take a moment for some food self-reflection. As a start, ask yourself these questions:
- Does this behavior or habit around food help and support me?
- Does avoiding this or that food habit make life easier or more stressful?
- If this food rule helped me at one time in my life, does it still help me now?
There’s no right or wrong answer, but pausing to think about how these rules play out in your present life can be helpful. For more questions, or if you’re interested in personal nutrition counseling, read more about how you can connect with me one on one.
Leave a Reply